


A Study on Souls, et al

by daisuga



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27493450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisuga/pseuds/daisuga
Summary: It’s like this:On your 18th birthday, the initials of your soulmate will appear on the inside of your pinky. After that, your memory of your most recent past life comes back.Seungkwan and Vernon meet at fifteen.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Jeon Wonwoo/Wen Jun Hui | Jun
Comments: 12
Kudos: 136





	A Study on Souls, et al

**Author's Note:**

> thank you, my soulmate, for proofreading. 
> 
> happy verkwan day! 
> 
> my first try writing for verkwan, who are already literally soulmates. sorry for any mistakes. 
> 
> fic song: 18 by 1D :)

** INTRODUCTION **

They meet at fifteen, their friend groups converging into one.

Seungkwan with the softest shade of chestnut, his hair all over the place, and Vernon with his gummy grin, awkward, black hair just as disheveled. They stand on the sand of the playground meant to be for children much younger than their ages, aside from Chan, but Jeonghan’s confidence and shrewdness is contagious.

“Hi! I’m Seungkwan,” Seungkwan waves at him, both hands outstretched, because that’s what Seungkwan is. Warm. Always giving everything.

“I’m Vernon.”

Vernon takes both of Seungkwan’s hands with his own two, because that’s what Vernon is. Gentle. Always giving just as much.

** OBJECTIVES OF THE STUDY **

“You’re going to this weekend, right?” Wonwoo asks, gnawing on his cafeteria food. Next to him, Jun is busy sleeping, because of course. Seungkwan spies the initials on the inside of their pinky fingers, and tries hard not to feel the longing.

“Yeah, of course,” Seungkwan replies, chin on his palm. “Seokmin-hyung personally invited me, you know!”

“Is Vernon coming?” Wonwoo asks, only to wave a hand as Seungkwan starts to reply, “ _Of course_ he’s coming if you are, nevermind.”

“Now what is that supposed to mean?”

Seungkwan tries, he really tries, but he can’t hide the small, flustered smile on his lips. Wonwoo resists the urge to roll his eyes, opting to let Jun snuggle into his side.

“It means that you are inseparable. It means,” Wonwoo looks around and lowers his voice, “You like him, don’t you?”

Yes. Yes yes _yes_.

Seungkwan is the king of deflecting.

“Shut up,” Seungkwan hisses, but the panicked expression akin to being caught is all that Wonwoo has to see. “ _Please._ ”

“If it helps, I think he likes you too,” Jun says, still pretending like he’s napping. Right now, he’s comfortably leaning on Wonwoo, and Seungkwan fake blanches. “You should tell him.”

“He doesn’t,” Seungkwan insists, ignoring how wow, that actually stings, thinking about it. “We’re too young.”

“No such thing as too young for love,” Jeonghan suddenly appears, causing Seungkwan to sit upright, nervous. Mingyu is following them, sitting next to Seungkwan. “I assume this is about Vernon?”

“Ugh.”

Seungkwan throws his hands up dramatically. _Why_ on earth are his friends like this. Unbelievable.

“We all know you like him, it’s obvious,” Mingyu says, opening his lunchbox, “There’s an ongoing betting pool on whether or not you’ll get together.”

“ _What?_ ”

Seungkwan glares at him, then at everyone, and Wonwoo raises his hands in surrender. “In my defense, I’m betting on you two being together.”

He sighs, and they laugh, prompting Seungkwan to roll his eyes, and just like that he can’t even bear pretending that he’s upset. Jeonghan hugs him and coos.

“Don’t you worry Boo, you’ll get there.”

** TECHNICAL DESCRIPTION **

It’s like this:

On your 18th birthday, the initials of your soulmate will appear on the inside of your pinky if you’ve met them already, and if they’re also 18. After that, your memory of your most recent past life comes back, like an old photo album you find in your attic, cover dusty and pages yellowed with age.

The memories vary. Some people remember their whole past life with their soulmate, some people only remember snippets of their times together.

Seungkwan and Vernon are 17.

Seungkwan was born in Busan, but lived in Jeju for majority of his life. When his sister got a job in Seoul – glamourous, big place, _more people_ – he didn’t hesitate to ask to live with her. They left their hometown, all that they’ve ever known, and settled in Seoul.

Seungkwan learned to hide his accent, fearing the possibility of being an outcast. He met Mingyu, a best friend and someone who makes sure he takes care of himself, then the rest. As one of his final lessons as he matures, he learns that he only has to be himself. The rest will always fall into place.

Vernon was born in New York, but his family moved to South Korea and made a home in Hongdae. He _adores_ Hangyeol – his sister and his mother are his main motivators.

Vernon learned to adjust, because people are always going to be hard to please. It was hard, at first, but Vernon learned his roots. Vernon learned to be himself: easygoing, just a tad bit shy. He met Seungcheol, a brother figure he can always lean on, then the rest. As one of his final lessons as he matures, he learns that he can trust himself and the love from the people around him. The rest will always fall into place.

Right now, nestled together on the couch amidst 11 other boys piled in Seokmin’s living room, Seungkwan lays his head on Vernon’s shoulder as Vernon pulls him closer. He thinks about how they only have one more year, to be like this. He thinks about the butterflies in his stomach, the thuds of his heart threatening to take over his being.

Vernon snuggles, head against Seungkwan’s, laughing as Soonyoung makes a remark that causes Jihoon to pounce at him.

Seungkwan thinks about how Vernon’s heartbeat sounds exactly the same.

** IMPORTANCE OF THE STUDY **

Seungkwan is older by a month, so of course he’ll turn 18 first.

Seungkwan is also Seungkwan, so of course he starts distancing himself from Vernon, days leading up to January.

It started with him sitting far from Vernon during hangouts, ignoring the pointed look from Wonwoo and Mingyu. Vernon looked confused, but didn’t mention anything about it.

Actually, Vernon didn’t say anything. He let Seungkwan distance himself, and stopped when he noticed that Seungkwan would gently shy away whenever he’s close. Seungkwan could only imagine what expression was on Vernon’s face during those times, because he refused to look.

Seungkwan is brave about many things, but Vernon makes him vulnerable.

His friends try to corner him, but he refused to give – It’s just as hard for him to do this, because it feels a lot like ripping himself into two. A big part of him has always been with Vernon, and maybe it has been that way since the day they met.

It scares him.

It scares him that soon he’ll be 18, and it’s possible that someone else’s initials will be on his pinky.

** SCOPES AND LIMITATIONS **

Vernon, unexpectedly, calls him the day before his birthday.

“Can we meet?”

His voice is raspy, like he just woke up. It’s 3 PM in the afternoon, on a Saturday, so Seungkwan thinks yeah, Vernon probably just woke up.

“Now?”

“No, later,” Vernon laughs, fond and endearing and familiar and it just really kind of hurts, so Seungkwan breathes in. “8 PM, on the playground.”

“Why so late?” Seungkwan fake whines, as if they haven’t spent the whole week ignoring each other.

Vernon will never stop being a safe place for him, Seungkwan realizes. Vernon is always going to be his home, his rest; The person who just _gets_ him. His –

Seungkwan stops himself.

“I’ll see you later, Kwannie.”

“Mhm,” Seungkwan leans on his desk, looking out the window. “See you, Nonie.”

** REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE AND STUDIES **

“Kwannie.”

Vernon is already there when Seungkwan arrives, tufts of black hair escaping his beanie. Standing in the middle of the playground on a cold January evening, Vernon is clad in a black hoodie, looking all sorts of home for Seungkwan.

His heart hurts.

“Nonie.”

They make some small talks, awkward distance as they walk around the park, and it’s painfully clear that they’re both skirting around the topic. Seungkwan’s hands itch, desperate to reach over and pull Vernon close to him, like always. He shoves them in his hoodie’s pockets, averting his gaze whenever Vernon looks over.

It’s like a final meal before an execution. Seungkwan thinks about the possibility of things always going to be like this, between them. This whole time he distanced himself, he’s been devoured by the inexplicable feeling of missing something that he doesn’t even know, and it freaks him out, because if Vernon isn’t his soulmate -

“Come here, Seungkwan.”

Seungkwan blinks, snapping out of his reverie, only to see Vernon sitting on one of the stone steps in the playground. He obeys Vernon, sitting next to him, only for Vernon to pull him much closer, like how they were sitting together in Seokmin’s living room.

It’s the closest they’ve been in months, and Seungkwan could cry.

Actually, he _is_ crying, because he heard Vernon laugh softly, just a little bit nervous, arm around Seungkwan’s shoulders, hand wiping his face.

“I know why you were avoiding me, Kwannie,” Vernon starts, quietly, and Seungkwan gasped. “I understand.”

Seungkwan pouts, looking at Vernon finally, truly, fully.

Vernon bumps their heads together, closing his eyes, and Seungkwan forgets how to breathe momentarily.

“It must be scary. I know, because it scares me too. You think I don’t worry about it all the time?” Vernon inhales, and pulls back a little bit, looking at Seungkwan with all the emotions Seungkwan never thought he’d see – and he’s sure, as well, that he’s looking at Vernon the same way.

“I love you, you know?”

The soft confession just breaks Seungkwan down, in a way he never thought he could. Softly. Like a fleece blanket.

He lets out a sob, and Vernon hugs him, letting Seungkwan cry on his chest, because like always, Vernon _knows_. Vernon runs his hand down Seungkwan’s back, soothing him, and Seungkwan feels halfway between at peace and unhinged.

“I love you,” Seungkwan whines against Vernon’s chest, hands shaking as he clutches at the black hoodie. “ _I love you_. I’m so scared, Nonie.”

For the first time, Seungkwan feels like everything is clear. He could feel Vernon’s equally shaky hands, hear the loud heartbeats. He’s just as scared as Seungkwan.

“It will be alright,” Vernon says, like he’s comforting both of them. “It’s going to be fine, okay? You’ll go to sleep and wake up and nothing will change, except you’ll be 18, and no one will ever love you the way I do.”

Seungkwan flushes, embarrassed, pulling his head back in surprise so he can see Vernon’s face. Vernon was flushed, all sorts of shyness, looking just as surprised as Seungkwan. “Hey, why are you suddenly so confident, huh?”

“I don’t know,” Vernon laughs the laugh he always does when he doesn’t know what to do, but something about it just feels so euphoric right now. “I don’t know, Kwannie. I just feel kind of crazy right now.”

“I do too,” He confesses, suddenly just as giddy, heart about to burst. “All I know is no matter what happens, the fact that I love you isn’t going to change, Nonie.”

“I know,” Vernon sighs, fondly looking at Seungkwan. “There’s no other person who has my heart except for you, Seungkwan.”

Seungkwan laughs, because somehow Vernon just makes everything better. Fall into place. Like how he always does.

“You’ll never find someone like me, you know?”

“I know.”

** RESEARCH METHODOLOGY **

_Participants_

Seungkwan wakes up as just Seungkwan.

There’s no old memories to remember.

Seeing both of his pinkies bare, at 18 years old, he sobs out of relief.

_Research Design_

“Aren’t you sad, Seungkwan?”

It was a genuine question by Seokmin, looking at both Seungkwan’s pinkies while they’re in the convenience store. Seungkwan looks at Seokmin, tilting his head and blinking.

“Why would I be?”

“I’m not saying you should be,” Seokmin reassures him, “I’m just wondering how you feel. Some people end up not having soulmates at all.”

Seungkwan thinks about his bare pinkies, then thinks about Vernon, on the night before his birthday. How Vernon has been so painfully honest, devoted, _close_. When he woke up on his birthday, Seungkwan spent an hour crying out on his bed, relief flooding him, shaking hands clutching his phone as he called Vernon.

In minutes, Vernon was on his front door, hair disheveled and hands full of Seungkwan’s favorite food, glowing and flushed and just so in love.

Seungkwan smiles at the memory. From afar, Soonyoung and Vernon called out their names, waving as they catch up.

Seokmin sees the twinkle in Seungkwan’s eyes, and he understands, even before Seungkwan answers.

“No, I don’t think so at all.”

_Measures_

Vernon takes special care of Seungkwan days leading up to _his_ birthday, it seems.

Seungkwan tries not to make it seem like he’s nervous. Somehow, his mark not appearing when he turned 18 made him so much more hopeful, the possibility of it being Vernon seemingly destined.

Still, a small pool of him is scared, and Vernon seems resolute to squash that part away with his touch and kisses, his hold tight as him and Seungkwan watches _The Hobbit_.

“Do you want anything for your birthday?” Seungkwan asks, eyes on the screen, hands interwined with Vernon’s as he leans back on the latter’s chest, comfortable. “Don’t tell them I told you, but I think Jun, Soonyoung, and Seokmin all chipped in for one gift.”

They both laugh, and Vernon just nuzzles Seungkwan’s neck, feeling the warmth. “I’m going to tell on you.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Yes, I will,” Vernon bursts out laughing as Seungkwan immediately turns, a petulant pout on his mouth, pinning Vernon down on the floor. “You need to pay for your crimes, Kwannie!”

“No! I was trying to be a good boyfriend!”

Seungkwan freezes as he realized what he said, and looks down at Vernon’s face with horror. He lets go of him, but Vernon was faster – face unreadable, he reverses their position.

“Say that again.”

Seungkwan shakes his head, embarrassed beyond belief, because what was he _thinking_ , really. After his birthday, they kiss and hug and hold hands, but they never really formally acknowledged it.

 _Sure_ , it bothered Seungkwan a bit, but he wanted to wait. His brain and mouth, however, seems to have had other plans.

“Say it,” Vernon says again, softer, eyes warm and lips curled in a smile that he only directs at Seungkwan. He rests their foreheads together, “It’s my birthday present.”

“It’s not your birthday yet,” Seungkwan protests weakly, but sighs as he knows he’s going to give in, because it’s Vernon.

He always does.

“I said I was trying to be a good boyfriend.”

Vernon lets go of his hands, only to hug him tight and fall sideways, clutching him as if Seungkwan is his lifeline. “I’m your boyfriend.”

“If you want to,” Seungkwan breathes out, looking at Vernon’s eyes, hands caressing the younger’s cheeks. “If you’d have me. I’d like you to be.”

Vernon’s eyes are glassy, and Seungkwan is suddenly tingly, hyperaware, breathing shallowly, before Vernon takes a sharp intake of breath and leans in, eyes shut, kissing Seungkwan.

Seungkwan closes his eyes, thumb brushing Vernon’s tears off his cheek, and kisses back.

_Procedures_

Vernon sleeps over at Seungkwan’s, all nerves and desperate, and even though it’s going to be his 18th birthday in a few hours, his mom lets him because she just knows.

They snuggle under Seungkwan’s pastel blue blanket, curled up and hands clutched.

** PRESENTATION OF RESULTS AND INTERPRETATION **

_(Seungkwan is dreaming._

_He hasn’t had a lucid dream ever._

_In this dream, his hair is black and he’s on a beach, sitting on the rocks, looking out into the ocean. It’s cold and grey, and he was reaching for something, feeling a tad bit empty._

_The breeze makes him miss Jeju._

_He sees something in a distance, and he stands on the rock, realizing that he’s wearing a white blouse and brown trousers. The lighthouse from afar pierces through the afterglow of a sunset, and for a brief moment, he feels peace._

_Then he jumps into the cold, unforgiving water.)_

Seungkwan wakes up before Vernon.

He doesn’t mean to see it, really, because he wanted them to see it at the same time but –

In front of Vernon’s sleeping face, black hair splayed out all over the pillow, Seungkwan’s pinky is visible out of their tangled hands.

A dainty _hvc_ marked on the soft skin.

** SUMMARY, CONCLUSIONS AND RECOMMENDATIONS **

If you ask Seungkwan, of course he’ll say he’s beyond happy.

Not a day where his heart doesn’t feel full whenever he sees his pinky finger, and even more whenever he sees the _bsk_ on Vernon’s, the urge to just lovingly run is fingers over the letters never leaving him since Vernon’s 18th birthday, a year ago.

But.

“Something’s bothering you,” Mingyu says, while they’re preparing for their research paper. “Did you fight with Vernonie?”

“No,” Seungkwan says, shaking his head. He stops and looks at Mingyu, remembering that Mingyu was the very first person he met when he arrived on Seoul.

Aside from Vernon, he trusts Mingyu with his life, even if the taller guy is clumsy and a bit destructive on a regular basis.

“Hyung.”

“Hm?”

“When we found out we were soulmates, during Nonie’s birthday,” Seungkwan looks down at the initials on his finger, afraid that the next few words will make it disappear. “He didn’t remember anything.”

Mingyu almost dropped the pages he is sorting, mouth open and eyes wide. “What do you mean he didn’t remember?!”

Seungkwan bites his bottom lip, fidgeting. “He was so worried when he woke up, but he was relieved when he saw our intials. He said he didn’t remember anything from his past life. It’s odd, because I did. I still do…”

As Seungkwan trails off, Mingyu hesistantly asks, “Are you afraid there’s a mistake?”

He sighs, leaning back, before plopping his head on Mingyu’s shoulders, looking down. “I _know_ we’re soulmates, it’s not about that. I just wonder why he can’t remember anything.”

Mingyu pouts, his friend’s distress obviously affecting him. He sets aside the papers, pulling Seungkwan in and comforting him. “Everything will be fine. Tell you what, after this, we’ll go research, okay? Maybe we can tell Wonwoo, he might have an idea.”

“Okay,” Seungkwan says, because it’s all he can say at this point, and because Mingyu is right. It might be better to have 11 other people to help them figure it out. Vernon acts like it’s not a big deal, but Seungkwan can see that it’s bothering him too. “Okay.”

** APPENDICES **

_Appendix I_

It’s quiet on the way home.

After telling everyone their problem, a lot of them researched about Vernon’s problem while completing their own requirements. Bits and pieces of information came, but it wasn’t until Joshua’s aunt came to South Korea that they had a glimmer of hope in understanding what happened.

Since she was still studying the soulmate phenomenon, they went to meet her, hoping to have some kind of explanation.

And here they are. It’s quiet on the way home.

They pull up at their apartment, and Vernon kills the engine. Seungkwan enters first, and he takes off his shoes, waiting for Vernon.

Vernon enters after a while, blinking at his boyfriend. “Kwannie?”

Seungkwan opens his arms, and Vernon immediately crashes into his arms.

“Are you okay?” Vernon immediately asks, and Seungkwan just had to laugh, because well, he just really loves Vernon. Across any lifetime.

“I should be the one asking that, Nonie,” Seungkwan says, hiding Vernon and squeezing him, swaying their bodies side to side. “Are you okay? No is an acceptable answer any time, love.”

Vernon doesn’t answer, and Seungkwan doesn’t move. He just rubs his hands on Vernon’s back, eyes fixated on their door, patiently waiting.

“I’m sorry I left you all alone,” Vernon whispers, voice cracking, “For one whole lifetime, Seungkwan, you were alone. I’m so sorry.”

Seungkwan feels like crying, because even like this, Vernon only thinks of him. There’s so much love, there, that it hurts.

“Because your past-self died, Nonie. You shouldn’t say sorry.”

_Appendix II_

Vernon wakes Seungkwan up at 3 in the morning.

“Why? Nonie?”

Seungkwan blinks out of his sleep, ready to pout and fuss if it’s not important, but Vernon shakes his head when Seungkwan tried to stand up.

“I understand it now,” Vernon says, carefully, as he touches Seungkwan’s cheek like it’s porcelain. Instinctively, Seungkwan leans into the touch, sighing at the warmth. “It all makes sense.”

“What’s happening?” Seungkwan asks, confused, clutching Vernon’s warm hands.

“It’s not that I don’t remember anything. I do remember. It’s just me, floating alone in nothingness, waiting,” Vernon breathes in, and Seungkwan thinks about how beautiful Vernon is like this, the light from their lamp softly shining on his face, black hair tousled and eyes soft.

“I was waiting for you, Kwannie. The whole time, I was just there, instead of trying to reincarnate. I wanted to be sure that I’ll be with you in the next lifetime.”

It sinks in, and it sinks in hard. Seungkwan feels Vernon’s tears fall down on his face, and at once, he doesn’t know whose tears is whose anyway. There is an intense longing, deep down, a yearning that begs to be acknowledged, and Seungkwan just says what he feels like he should, because everything with Vernon is natural.

The longing, the yearning, and the love.

“We made it,” Seungkwan whispers, pulling Vernon down, giving him a kiss; sloppy and messy and tearful, but it was honest and it was a kiss worth two lifetimes. “We made it. You’re home.”

** Acknowledgements **

(Seungkwan remembers:

  1. Himself, in a field of flowers, holding a bundle of Baby’s Breath in one hand. He’s older. He’s alone.
  2. Himself, younger, delivering bread to a couple, trying not to look at his bare pinky.
  3. Himself, younger, hiding behind his (then) mother, introduced to his neighbor, her eyes sad and yearning.



He digs deeper, and he remembers something blurry. Something tells him this is his last memory to reclaim.

Seungkwan remembers opening his eyes. The woodwork on the crib. The Sun, the moon, the stars, hanging on top, and hushed sobbing from the next room. He could hear them: His mother, and the neighbor.

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” He hears his mother comfort their neighbor, voice heavy with sympathy, “He would’ve been such a dear.”

He hears, and something feels like it’s ripped away from him; a big sense of loss, a huge void left behind, but his brain can’t comprehend it. It’s burning, and it’s chilling, and it’s everything all at once, and Seungkwan screams, because it’s all he can do, and it’s what he needs to do.

It was his first memory, in his last life. Losing his soulmate.

The memory fades, and Seungkwan wakes up.)


End file.
